quote-unquote

I was looking up some new quotes and reviewing some of my old faves for a project my small group is doing for a friend. I just can't resist sharing a few of these gems with you all! They make me want to go out and change the world!!!!

"Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail" -Emerson

"Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor souls who neither enjoy much nor suffer much because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat" -Theodore Roosevelt

"We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home" -To Write Love on Her Arms

"Wherever we are, we are in the very residence of God, and this is sweeter and greater than anywhere without Him" -David Crowder

all I can say is:

AMEN!

Value

Am I valuable?

This question radiates out of the heart of every person in the world, or at least every person I have ever met. It burns in us because we want so desperately to have worth. We want so desperately to be loved, to be worthy of love. In our society, we learn to find our worth through accomplishments: being a good wife, a good student, a good _____. When we feel that maybe we aren't the best or good enough, our worth is challenged. Too often we react by putting others down. We act like animals, picking on those weaker than us, because we know at least we are better than them at something. We want to feel important, powerful, valuable. In the end, we cheapen our own principles in order to feel better in that moment about who we are.

This morning during our Easter service, I was reminded of the freedom we have been given through Christ, freedom over sin and over death...freedom from finding our worth the world's way. We have this freedom because we can choose to look to God, rather than to ourselves or to others first, and when we look at our gracious and beautiful, our righteous and perfect, our holy and loving God, we realize we cannot compare. There is nothing bad about Him that we can point out to build ourselves up. We can only stand in awe, realizing that we are nothing. And then, in God's infinite grace, we are reminded that God has made us something of great value. We are valuable because we are His, because He has chosen to love us when we were unlovable. There is no competition there. Only surrender. There is no pride. Only gratitude. And in this beautiful place, we are free to marvel at His beauty and at the beauty He has assigned to every soul.

Am I valuable? Yes. And so are you.

As Secure as a Pair of Skinny Jeans

Today is an interesting day for me. I am used to running around like the metaphorical headless chicken, but the students I tutor are on their junior and senior trips, my accountability partner that I normally meet for lunch is sick (hope you feel better soon, sarah!), and I've finally caught up on most of my schoolwork. I don't quite know what to do with myself. This morning, knowing I had plenty of time in the afternoon to get my couple of assignments completed, I decided to read the last few chapters of So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore. She is an amazing author! Sarah and I have gone through two of her books, and both have been so motivational--they make you feel like taking on your issues and the issues of the world and making a difference!! I highly recommend this book to any girl who is struggling with insecurity of any kind. It is shocking to realize how much we let our fears drive our actions. This book has reminded me that I have God-given (not condition-dependent) security! Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the book:

• When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are (43)
• God is thoroughly committed to finishing the masterpiece he started in us (Philippians 1:6), and that process means one major thing: change (80)
• [God] knows we have the capacity to be astoundingly extraordinary, and not just in spite of where we've been, but because of it (143)
• We can change the way we think, which will change the way we act. And as we change the way we act, the way we feel also begins to change...thank God we don't have to wait until we feel more secure to start acting more secure (241)
• Call me an optimist, but I have to believe that security could be just as contagious [as its counterpart] (278)
• Anybody can be like everybody else. Only those who are exceptional choose to believe the possible over the probable. You, beloved, were created to be exceptional (291)
• We need to be ready to discern the difference between the truth and a lie, especially when the lie is proclaimed at high volume while the truth is only whispered through a still, small voice (297)
• To find yourself, your true, secure self, you must lose yourself in something larger (310)
• Believe that [God] loves you and has you covered and takes every one of your hits as if they were aimed at His own skin (320)
• In order to plant our feet on solid ground, we can drop the conditions off of our trust and determine that God will take care of us no matter what (325)
• In the light of [God's] presence, I am so glad to be a woman and feel oddly adept at it even in a world gone mad (341)

It's Sunday Again!

When you are short you learn to look at the positive side of things when people offer certain kinds of ambiguous comments, such as "there aren't many people in the world that look up to you."

I Want Something to Live For

Mikey introduced me to Rocket Summer's awesome new CD, and I have been listening to it basically non-stop in my car. A lot of the songs have really deep meaning to me, but lately, I've especially been touched by the song "I want something to live for."

Here are some of the lyrics:

Once I was fearless, going up against the world.

Optimistic, seeing all the reasons for

Good through the darkness.

I could live through anything.

Where did that go?

I wanna feel it like I did back then

But more, I really need it more than I've ever before

I believed in hope, oh.

Where did it go?

Stop fearing death,

I want something to live for.

I've been holding my breath,

I want something to live for.

When I was younger, I felt like I could conquer the world. It seemed like every problem in the world could be solved, or at least made better. Somehow, that optimism and hope faded with time, or perhaps with the growing distractions of adulthood. But I've realized that I don't have to stop wanting to change the world. Growing up does not mean giving in. I am growing into a person who can do things that I never could have done as a child. If I am willing to take hold of my dreams and to stop letting fear of death (physical death, death of my reputation, death of my own ideas) drive me, I can make a change. Another thing I've realized lately is that when we stop focusing inward on all of our own problems and fears and when we start focusing outward on others, we end up feeling so much more fulfilled. I really believe that love is amazingly powerful! The Bible tells us that perfect love drives out all fear. I want to love people with God's love. I want to touch the world as God's hands extended to those in need. I want to make a difference, to leave a legacy. I want something to live for.

Lessons on the Type-A Life

Here's a little lesson about the life of a compulsive type-A individual (namely myself). I thought this might be cathartic for me to explain a little bit of the inner workings of my mind, and I figured it couldn't hurt to get the word out to you laid-back types about what it is like to be us!

Lesson 1: Life is like a hyperbola

No-I do not mean that we exaggerate too much (hyperbole), although this can be true in some cases. Instead, I am referring to the fact that the function (the hyperbola) is bound in by some limits: the asymptotes. I am currently a trigonometry and calculus tutor, so this example immediately jumped to mind. The principle of asymptotes is that the line of the function is drawn closer and closer to the asymptote (a straight line border), but it can never reach the asymptote. Its like dividing 1/2 by 2, the distance between the number and zero gets smaller and smaller (1/4, 1/8, 1/16, 1/32, 1/64, 1/128...), but it will never be zero. The goal will never be reached. That is the frustration of being a perfectionist! The goal is absolute. It is perfection. It is the asymptote. But we can only get closer and closer to the goal. We will never reach it. I think that is part of why I think I love God and look forward to heaven so much: both are PERFECT! There is nothing I want to change, nothing I can correct. Everything is as it should be, and because of that, I rejoice!

Lesson 2: We are not all the same!

I think so many people assume that every perfectionist is alike, but this is simply not true. We all have different ideas of perfection, and we have different areas that we deeply desire that perfection in! Even those of you who wouldn't normally be classified as "perfectionists" likely have some area that you desire at least near-perfection in! For my uber laid-back husband it is his music. For me, it might be a wider range of areas, but we all demonstrate some tendency toward wanting things to be perfect. As my dad likes to remind me, however, my idea of perfection is just my idea! It is not the ultimate rule on how things should be. That really helps me to let Mikey off the hook when he doesn't use his mind-reading powers to know exactly how I want things to be done. It is my idea of perfection that drives my actions, but it doesn't need to drive the actions of others. And these ideas of perfection that we Type-A's cannot ignore in our own lives drive us towards different paths: for me, academics and medicine. But there are so many perfectionists out there who channel their energies toward other areas, other accomplishments, other dreams.

Thanks to those of you who read this and gave up a little time. I hope I didn't waste it. I really hope it helped you to understand (and maybe identify a bit more with) those of us individuals who seem a bit out of touch, a bit too demanding. I apologize if that's ever been me to you. The true struggle of a perfectionist is to let go of control in those ares of desired "perfection" and to offer grace! That has been my aim lately. Grace for myself. Grace for my family. Grace for my freinds. Grace for people I don't know. GRACE. It truly is saving...my sanity (and maybe yours) :)